Dear neighbor,

Thanks for having such a pretty garden for me to admire on my walks. And your chocolate lab is adorable. I never see a wife. You wouldn't be single, would you? Of course, you wouldn't buy a house like that if you lived alone with your two dogs, so I'm sure that there's a wife. Maybe she has a terrible disease and can't leave? Or maybe she is horribly disfigured and only goes out at night? Do you only eat food that she orders online or buys at the 24-hour mini-mart? No wonder you spend so much time working on your garden. It must be hell inside those walls. I guess if I had a terribly disfigured spouse I would have a nicer looking garden, too. [And once again I am able to make it all about me.]